4. Owning failures

I can be quite an emotional person; ups and downs, successes and failures, good and bad- I feel them quite deeply.

However, there is often the misconception (especially as a guy) to keep this locked in. Don’t get me wrong, there has to be a level by which you guard your heart and work out when is appropriate to indulge in sharing these emotions but you have to be able to speak these things out with transparency.

The same can be said with how we view successes and failures.

It is through honesty and vulnerability that people can be drawn together.

I’ve found this similar in places I worked or friendships I’ve been in.

If you are quick to own your loss and slow to blame others will follow suit. People trust each other more.

Out of trust comes a safe environment by which creativity flows due to the feel of failure being subsided. People aren’t looking around worried about what to do or whether they are wrong. And even if they do mess up it’s okay.

But you want to be a big tough guy or the leader of the group- surely you should hold stuff together? And to a certain extent yes you should, however, this doesn’t alleviate you from saying where you failed, are failing, or simply need help.

Attempts to hide these losses promotes others to hide theirs. Why would a friend want to share their insecurities with you when your life seems like an Instagram highlight reel?

Both in work and personal life hiding emotions doesn’t allow space for trust and inevitably your goals- whether that be a deep friendship, hard work, creativity- go down the drain.

“The fear of failure pushes people to become more concerned with looking good than actually being good”- Chris Baca

3. Rain

From what has been a decent chunk of time without rain, it has come back and seemingly to stay.

Based in Manchester, UK; how am I surprised though- this is rain’s hometown, the place he resides day in day out.

Looking out the window, seeing all the furious downpour- I feel downbeat. No going outside, no running, no coatless outfits.

Yet, I recognise this is such a narrow-minded view.

How am I to see my inconvenience as superior to that of those reliant on Rain.

Rain stops drought, enables food to grow, and makes for brilliant romantic scenes.

I sometimes find that my perspective, bias, and personal preference takes the forefront. If you think about it though this can make sense as we are all living as the main character in the movie of our lives. Saying this, we are all involved in a greater narrative.

Our indie films play whilst the Scorsese masterpiece, which is life, goes on whether we like it or not.

This shift of view brings gratitude. We get to recognise the privilege of even being part of the masterpiece. Things outside of our control aren’t ours to fret over; they serve as an undercurrent to a bigger storyline.

People are all stumbling over their resources, their relationships, and their ability to get outside or not.

I see the rain as a grounding for my ego. I’m so small in the massive beauty which is this universe. My issue with having to walk to Aldi with a coat on is no biggie. Ultimately someone needed this Rain in their story to provide me with the food in my story in Aldi.

We are all interconnected. We all suffer and struggle, but we can all choose to have a good mindset through that.

Sometimes I’m definitely guilty of the selfish, self-serving, entrepreneurial mindset. It’s all about me, me, me.

You think the world wants perfectly manicured lifestyles and therefore you stay in your lane. Oh, I don’t need to help Bob because I need to look after myself which then can enable me to help him and others in the future.

No, no, no.

Take it from the biggest procrastinator in the world;

Perfectionism = Paralysis

I think we are called to think about what we do and do the best for ourselves and others but ultimately we just need to do it. Take action. Go into life and actually move.

Random stuff appears one day and your whole world is thrown upside down. But if you don’t hold back on ideas and preparations you’ve held for years you won’t be under stress when stuff like Covid appears.

Similarly know we aren’t alone in it all. I see it like this:

I’m like the rain, my personal narrative is simply a drop and without others, I lose who I am.

(And that’s from someone who finds people particularly frustrating).

So is that it then- we ignore our own opinions, perspectives, and inclinations?

In my younger years I did that; trying to seek the approval of a friendship group, a crush or simply to show off how ‘cool’ I am. But do you know what- the coolest thing is? It’s to meet people where they are, be loving to them whilst having genuine interest, being part of their narrative. All the while having an awareness where their perspective may be right or wrong or simply different- and be okay with that.

I look to the rain and think of the people dancing out in it, the farmers smiling at their crops, and the people who simply don’t care. Every masterpiece receives a different response- I hope that I can be okay with people having a different perspective on mine.

2. Having different personalities

is normal.

I have come to recognise not everyone will be like me. Nor should they, that would be pretty scary.

I find myself having certain tendencies, certain leanings, and certain behaviours.

The good and the bad are all wonderfully unique and different.

The beauty of growing up is curating and developing this person you call yourself.

I’ve found that a large aspect of this has been developing an understanding of my personality and character.

Some characteristics and attributes flourish out in the open whilst others need to be developed in the quiet, in the solitude, in a very specific context.

It’s through the honest reflection of the external context that you come to know whether your unique gift of a personality can grow. The biggest pain in my opinion is that some people coast through life holding so much untapped potential; I think this occurs when one is left to decay in a context where they are unable to grow.

At some point or another having the courage to be disliked is required.

Only you know what context best serves you. I’ve definitely found myself in lots of contexts, paths in life, or in friendship groups that honestly were not conducive to a healthy future.

Saying this; leaning into complementary personalities despite how foreign they may seem is very helpful.

I sometimes believe I know better, struggle with big groups, and loud contexts aren’t fun.

Yet there is value in discomfort. We all have a frame of reference by which we come to know, like, and cultivate how we operate.

We need people to challenge us, to uplift us, and to direct us. This helps broaden the frame.

Different ideas can hurt. They don’t make sense in our heads, however, their new view on the world enables empathy and the development of functioning well alongside different people.

I want to be able to walk in a room and be able to talk to the loudest, most aggressive person and speak to them where they are. I’m not perfect don’t worry, so this very rarely happens. Yet it is a good aim to go after.

Recognising these new perspectives as the necessity for growth makes them an easier pill to swallow. Despite this, our ego can often elevate us to a status where we don’t have an open ear.

Curate time to sit, listen and reflect upon what people tell you about yourself. 

The tightrope of feeding yourself and others is one that all people tread. At different ages and stages, you will do more of one or the other.

I find tendencies of being more introverted in my life, yet, when I actually step out and help others or go to events that I wouldn’t necessarily choose I feel quite accomplished and definitely learn a lot. Similarly, when I’m unable to say no my mental health suffers. Wherever your personality resides don’t be too extreme.

I’ve daily journaled on and off for about two years and honestly have found it really helpful- spiritually, mentally, personally- just being honest and having that slowed downtime.

Sculpt the people groups, the contexts, and the time you have, in order to align your personality, where you want to be but also how you want to serve others and the world. In doing so you’ll develop a great sense of security in yourself.

From here is the springboard to achieve great things.