79. Failing Successfully

is when we understand that winning is only a small piece of the pie.

Last week I went to a race with a very specific time in mind.

I wanted to get a Personal Best and nothing else really would do.

Surprise, surprise, I didn’t actually get the result I wanted.

When I got home from the event I reflected on the experience and realised that I hadn’t failed rather I had won in so many other ways.

• I met lots of new people

• It was the first race in a while post my injury

• I had a fun time

• It highlighted areas of weaknesses in my running

• It got me excited to train and race more

Of course, winning is brilliant and something to strive for but if that is the only thing you can take away from an event, job, or opportunity you will often find yourself discouraged- much like I could’ve potentially been like in my race.

Broaden the ways you view ‘winning’ and you will never be a loser ever again.

78. Work, Family, Scene

you can only choose two.

Austin Kleon coined this rule to provide clarity in life and make time.

The different aspects are:

Work: this is your creative output.

Family: this is your spouse, kids, or close relationships.

Scene: this is the fun stuff. Parties, dinners, hanging out with friends.

The reality is you cannot have it all.

You party regularly and are deep into a relationship results in you not having a lot of time for real work. You grind all day at work, escape with friends, but your family gets forgotten. You give your focus to your loved ones, you work hard, but you can’t always say yes to the fun stuff.

The lie you feed yourselves is that you believe you can balance it all.

You may believe you are a time managing hero.

Sorry Superman but the artist’s life is about tradeoffs.

This doesn’t mean all is doom and gloom.

It does, however, mean you will miss out on things.

Whatever you choose as your two- you recognise the third to not be your priority.

In saying no to things that don’t matter you can be assured because although you are ‘missing things’, they are probably not things you will lose sleepover.

It’s hard saying no but without doing so you don’t get any and that would give you restless nights.

“Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.” - David Deida

This by no means has to be a concrete decision either. There are seasons where you change what two aspects of life you prioritise.

Truly understanding which of the two you are going after allows filtering out of unhelpful comparisons from people who are going after things you aren’t; you have the clarity in knowing what you want which provides speed and efficiency to create some great things.

As the poem by Kenneth Koch goes:

“There isn’t time enough, my friends —

Though dawn begins, yet midnight ends-

To find the time to have love, work and friends.

Pick two.”

When you know why you are saying no you can say yes to things with confidence knowing they matter.

Work, Family, Scene.

You can only choose two, otherwise, you’ll have none.

77. The outcome

cannot be the motivation.

If this were the case how would you ever begin anything?

Hoping you one day receive clarity big enough to get you out of bed.

Motivation is not a precondition, it is not something you simply have.

It is active.

It is getting on a sweat.

It is success.

Wait, what?

There is a difference between the outcome and success and this is where people go wrong.

The end goal, condition, or reward, can be brilliant for motivation… but it is temporary. It does not last for you to actually succeed.

Here you need to switch the perception of success.

Incremental gains as a form of motivation allow the cycle to move forward.

You need to focus on how you can improve daily.

Consistency and clarity in your craft is the success.

Improvement breeds motivation as you were better than you were yesterday- you can also be excited for how you will be in the future.

This success of growing in your practice is different to the outcome being the motivation as you aren’t dictated by external views, financial backing, or validation- all of which can fluctuate.

The outcome cannot be the motivation but you can create the motivation through starting the work and changing your perception of success.