28. The problem with being conditional

I think sometimes we can become quite conditional and before starting things we already have put up some resistance to taking the first step.

I think we can sometimes be like, “Oh, I'm definitely going to start on that project but just once I have more money”, or “I have all the right tools but I’m just so busy”.

We get too conditional with the start.

I have found myself that the more and more I throw that away, start before I’m ready, and just put my head down- the more I realise I can be successful. I am allowing myself so many more opportunities to fail, to learn, to develop habits, and be prepared for the future.

Take for example this blog post; I could be quite conditional and say, “Oh, I need to be sitting at my desk for a nice cup of coffee and a lot of time to achieve anything of value”. And, okay, maybe that will happen once in a while. But 90% of the time, that is not the case.

If I got so conditional about it, I'd never write anything. Yet, it is out of removing the conditions and forcing myself to write every day that content rises to the surface and I have consistent routines.

Today, I had a really interesting occurrence happen to me. I was signed up to do this running race. It was set to start off at 9:15 am and I had previously planned out this very elaborate schedule to wake up, eat, get clothes and bag sorted, go have my coffee, do some stretches, and then go and meet some people to get a minibus there at around 7:30.

But then guess what? My alarm on my phone didn't end up working. I ended up waking up around 8:30 am leaving only had around 45 minutes to get ready and rush to the event which was 25 minutes car journey away.

That left me in a whole bunch of stress.

It was not the perfect conditions that I previously had set out in my mind. So at that point of waking up late, I had two choices; did I just sack off the race and put it down to bad planning or go out and at least attempt to get there and run it. Of course, I could potentially be late, maybe not even be allowed in, and at the very least be very hungry and dehydrated from literally dashing out the door. But no this race was set in my mind. I had it on the calendar, there was a number waiting for me, a medal to be claimed.

Whatever the circumstances I was going to get there.

So after a mad rush and sprinting to the start line, I managed to start the race and complete it relatively well.

I think it's because I simply accepted the fact that this annoying thingg had happened. And I moved on really quickly and adapted. Although the alarm on the phone could be down to a fault of my own (although I blame apple) we need to be okay with things going wrong. Very rarely in life do we have 100% agency over situations.

Things come up and this adaptability has to be a system we have in ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong we can have preferences and ways we like doing things, however, when these don’t go our way we shouldn’t beat ourselves or others up over it. Rather, see it as a learning lesson or even a challenge- you aren’t in your most desirable situation yet you can make the most out of it.

This then leads you to be an inspiration to others. When you are navigating various circumstances in life you make the best of it, no matter the results. That's a sign of a true leader- because nothing can phase you.

When people panic when external situations change you are calm and can guide people through that.

This only happens when you let go of the need to be in control, or at the very least see the benefit when things go against your plan. This is personally something I am working on.

And guess what the flip side of this is? When you get so comfortable with situations being wrong when the conditions are actually right you can make even more of a difference and perform even better. Habits would’ve been formed, the discipline mastered, and excuses eradicated.

Additionally, you will be even more grateful at the end of the day. Why do you think people are so happy in less well-off countries; they don’t rely on external conditions to dictate behavior.

“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no less of enthusiasm”- Winston Churchill

So don't rely too much on external conditions set on you; and yeah, get a good alarm clock!

27. Why you should be mysterious

¨If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet, you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along, so they may abuse you, leaving it disturbed and troubled — have you no shame in that?¨- Epictetus

Often we find ourselves having to explain everything we do, divulging so much about ourselves and not knowing how to be quiet.

The problem is that if everyone knows every single thing about you then why would they want to talk to you? There’s nothing to learn and you are probably just talking all the time and not letting others a chance to speak.

If you're just an open book and you don't actually spend time engaging and asking about other people- you may create relationships but they’ll be surface level. All relationships are two-way streets and require effort from both sides.

I've recognised sometimes I find myself constantly talking about myself as I feel like the other person doesn’t really want to talk. Having good communication skills is good to a certain extent, but there has to be a point where you listen first and then talk. It’s about understanding empathy and that everyone has a story, despite it being harder to get to for some than others.

Just about everything is online these days and people just hold the heart on their sleeves feeling the need to broadcast everything.

I think this idea of seeming quite mysterious and staying somewhat hidden is a necessity for good overall wellbeing.

What I mean by this is that you then get to have the privilege of then sharing that information with a small group of people or even just one person. It is not something that is out of control or gossiped about. In some regard, you are controlling how people perceive you. Additionally, people are going to feel they're going to feel more valued because they are being the select few who know about you. They know a part of yourself that nobody else does. Through sharing less you can then guard yourself too.

I think it's when we open ourselves up too much that it's opportunities for unwanted criticism, harsh words, and discouragement arise.

Without the implementation of walls to filter rubbish out you can get hurt very easily. For example, through insecurity or an inability to be alone, we become friends with every single person to fill our time. We spend all our energy trying to be popular. Ultimately, we will never have really close-knit friendships, because we're spread too thin nor any time to work on ourselves alone.

Similarly, maybe everyone knows everything about you but you know, very little about everyone else. In reality, they might not actually like you, but they're just playing along because your loud and don’t allow for any uncomfortable silence. Bad talk is worse than no talk. There are lots of great things to come out of silence.

Just from a standpoint of work and even just in life in general being mysterious provides undeniable benefits. You attract the right people to come and question why you do things. You lose time for gossip. You have more productive conversations that have balance with both parties. You have more energy as you aren’t putting all your cards on the table. Your loved ones will feel more valued.

The fine line is to recognise your personal need to have help with your issues and also be okay that sometimes things can’t be fixed. Life is unfair. Therefore, a reliance on external things and people is not often the safest thing to do.

So I personally am going to challenge myself to be more mysterious. To listen more and speak less. Curating value with my time instead of constant chatter. The question is are you going to do the same?

26. Wrong decisions

are necessary.

Without dark, there isn’t light.

Without bad, there isn’t good.

Without wrong, there isn’t right.

That ‘failure’ you beat yourself up about is the required next step to you not failing in the future.

The only ‘wrong’ thing is to have a bad mindset that doesn’t look beyond your current situation. That is what kills you.