58. Avoiding is better than doing

it sounds odd, right?

There is the age-old saying, ‘don't cry over spilt milk’, and it rings true in almost every aspect of life.

Once you have done something, once you spilt the milk, it has happened. It cannot be undone.

And obviously, there are places where we must take action to move the needle forward- however, there is often the tendency to move in a hurry and with a lack of calculation towards the next decision.

We all have decisions in our life. Yes or no, football or basketball, sweet or savoury.

The sheer amount of them can cause paralysis as we have so many options.

Studies are increasingly coming out with the harsh psychological analysis effects of this paradox of choice- especially amongst young adults. The mid-life crisis has new embodied a new phase of its life- the quarter-life crisis.

We have so much information around us, people telling us what we have to do- so as a result we often rush into decisions to escape the feeling of being left behind.

This is a terrible solution.

As said before, once you’ve followed through with an action, you can't undo it.

Don't get me wrong, it's good to take action, it’s necessary to take action, but do we take more action than we need to?

Heck yeah.

So what is the solution?

Curating individual thought.

Don’t worry this isn’t an existential dilemma of sorts, but instead a challenge to think for yourself.

Delve into wh you want to do things and look into what you want to achieve.

Create the person able to make the right decisions when the opportunities come instead of rushing to decisions preemptively.

Yet the world pressures us.

Sometimes we just feel the need to make a decision and do something because everyone else is making decisions.

But when you have confidence in yourself and your own individual thought you recognise that people will go down their own lanes and their own progress doesn’t cause you to falter or change your plan- you know what your game plan is.

Saying all this action is essential but because you don’t rush into everything you are positioned into a much better place.

Imagine this; every so often you engage and have a decision- one response could be that the decision goes right and that’s great as you’ve progressed forward, but what if that doesn’t happen?

Well if the decision goes wrong that’s still progress because for one you are not making lots of decisions so therefore not continually making failures which often leads to burnout. In addition to this, you have been working out of a confident perspective by which failure can be seen as providing direction for things you need to work on individually.

So you might be wondering why I am hammering on about this- surely avoiding stuff means you miss out on things out on stuff?

Yes, yes it does.

But if you are worried about missing out on stuff you need to work out your priorities because a sad fact of life is that you cannot do everything- especially if you want to make a difference.

In avoiding unhelpful things you are already miles ahead of most people.

Unhealthy eating habits, bad sleep schedule, toxic relationships- these are not the foundation to any success in this life.

If you have nothing and have not achieved anything you're way ahead of those who made bad decisions.

Obviously, mistakes will be made and that is fine, however, when a bad decision comes out of pressure to do something that is sad.

You are letting people run your life.

It is all well and good hearing advice but when we take action ourselves it is our responsibility and we can’t simply pass on the blame.

That sounds quite harsh but ultimately it makes us understand why avoiding decisions is often better.

So how does the story end?

Do we avoid making decisions forever, and every so often tentatively try things out?

No of course not.

When time and decisions are treated as valuable assets rather than simple commodities you work out how to use them the most efficiently.

As talked about previously, the plan is curating your individual thoughts- and that means you will improve.

After a while of avoiding unhealthy things, learning about yourself, and intentionally taking action you will be able to mature into more consistent deliberate decisions that (fingers crossed) should work out well for you.

But it all stems back to curating the person who is able to do that.

We all get opportunities in life but it often takes time to be the person who can capitalise on those opportunities.

Start saying no, be true to yourself, and avoid unhealthy habits- soon you’ll be able to take on that next great venture.

57. Take a break

Sometimes working doesn't work.

Sometimes you have to have the self-awareness to be able to look at yourself and be like,

You know what? I'm not creating any work. I'm not making any leeway. This problem is not going away.

Being able to recognise when you need to step back is essential to take another step forward.

Yet, there is often this notion that we don’t need a break. The idea that we can put in 12 hour days 24/7 and get great success is a fallacy.

One of my favourite stories I have heard that struck home is one about two lumberjacks that Simon Sinek proposed.

Here it is- I hope you find it helpful.

Sharpening your axe is going to be different for everyone.

It could mean just going for a walk outside, reading a book, or doing some drawing.

I think it's very easy to get into these routines and think we must stick 100% to them all the time because it’s produced results.

But it has produced results for now.

Long term consistency trumps short term intensity - Bruce Lee

If you are pursuing something you really care about, which hopefully you are, you probably want to be more successful in the long term.

Being intensely focused is the number one way to destroy that dream.

Yet we don’t listen because busyness is often perceived as success and we don’t want people to view us as lazy.

We go to nine to five jobs and we are expected to work for eight hours (if not longer) non-stop. It’s an outdated model.

We are burning the candle both ways through this and ultimately something we previously enjoyed can become something we hate.

So what is the solution?

Intentional, smart, organised breaks.

But what actually is that?

David Hieatt, the CEO of Hiut Jeans and the Do Company, shared the idea that those working jobs that use their mind require a break which is manually draining - and vice versa.

The average person goes home after a day at the office and watches TV, reads, or listens to a podcast.

It is information overload.

Not only are we not resting but we are creating more stress.

We need to do some digging, get outside, remove ourselves from technology.

The result?

We come back with our axe sharpened, ready to make some amazing work.

56. Making something a priority

“How we spend our time is how we spend our lives. It’s who we become (or don’t become)”- John Mark Comer

Creating a unique voice in your work, relationships, and lifestyle requires 3 things:

1. Intentionality

2. Commitment

3. Consistency

Here’s how to implement them:

Step One:

When something is your priority you have to put your foot down. Your mindset is afresh- you have decided this thing is what you want.

This doesn’t mean resistance won’t come- as with anything good in life it won’t come easy. When it comes to a new habit, transformation, or something not providing immediate satisfaction- doubt will be your bedmate.

The solution?

Delve deep into why, be so incredibly intentional. Here’s an example:

• ‘I want to go to the gym’ — Too Vague; why do you want to go?

• ‘I want to go to the gym because I feel unfit’ — Too Vague; why do you not want to feel unfit?

• ‘I want to go to the gym because I don’t want to feel unfit. I don’t want to be unfit because it stops me from doing activities with family and friends, I feel self-conscious and I want to look better’ — Much better.

Instead of hoping you don’t get the resistance of going to the gym (which is inevitable) you intentionally focus on that genuine desire of yours. If you have delved deep enough your want to do ‘activities with family’, or, ‘look better’ — the gym isn’t simply a chore but rather the vehicle for you to get to where you want to be.

Intentionally doing things provides all the motivation you need.

“Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action ground in understanding and compassion”- David Deida

Step Two:

The hardship when taking on priorities, goals, and ambitions is that it’s not sexy.

You are not creating a habit- you are changing your life.

To really stay committed you must move from the notion that this priority you have is limited to a certain time, context, or feeling. Instead of being someone fluctuating in mood and action, you become someone who people can rely on for your actions.

That priority isn’t hard, it’s simply what you do. It is the thing that makes up your character. It is the routine you become a slave to. It is you.

You are committed to yourself, to others, to the world, that you are with new priorities.

The alternative?

You break your promises. You try things half-hearted. You bounce around doing lots of different things but you never manage to ever scratch the itch of understanding what life would be like if you fully realised your potential.

Commitment is often the only thing preventing good from great. You must be relied upon to do what you say, especially when that is in things you are choosing because if you can’t do it there you will never be trusted in things others give to you.

Commitment is to complete the mission. Commitment is to embrace fear. Commitment is to ignore hurdles.

“Quit the wrong stuff. Stick with the right stuff. Have the guts to do one or the other” — Seth Godin

Step Three:

In the daily turning up there is fine-tuning, refining, and curation of the professional.

Momentous occasions come and go but are simply not predictable, nor as impactful as consistent streaks of hard effort.

That compound effect of creating habits and curating habits is the best teacher.

It grows your understanding of your craft or lets you know very quickly that you are not cut out to do what you're doing.

It’s very hard to turn up consistently, rain or shine, good or bad, for something you don’t enjoy.

Where commitment is your desire it drives you to serve others, yourself or the cause at hand- consistency is the self-growth aspect to delve into your process. You consistently do what you do because you have fallen in love with the process- and that changes you.

When the process is the prize, the external environment can’t actually affect you and you can consequently actually serve better (and ironically actually receive more external validation).

In the boredom, in the pushing to the limits, in the just sitting down working daily- the artist in you is made.

“I accumulated small but consistent habits that ultimately led to results that were unimaginable when I started”- James Clear

“How does this all apply to priorities?”

When you place intentionality + commitment + consistency, you will get something so important that it undeniably will be a priority. You want to do that thing because you’ve become intentional behind the why and have the motivation and drive to do it. You’ve committed to yourself and others that it is something you want to do and adapt into your lifestyle and you also do it very regularly.

As an objective outsider seeing somebody doing something which consists of those three qualities- I would say they have that thing as a priority in their life.

The key thing to remember though is that you cannot prioritise everything- this 3 step formula may seem over the top but that’s only because it is. You can’t do everything well.

If you don’t know where to start a simple example is to prioritise 5 hobbies:

• One to keep you in shape

• One to make you money

• One to stay creative

• One to build knowledge

• One to grow your mindset

Use the 3 steps in any of these hobbies you have selected and they will become a priority for you. Obviously, there are many other areas, ideas and relationships that prioritisation needs to be used- yet when starting small you can get used to the process. Once you’ve done this you realise life can be quite simple as you are just slowly building who and what you want to be, and you can discern the distractions that are stopping that.

“When your intention is clear, so is the way”- Alan Cohen

Now go out there and make a difference in the world with your newfound priorities- the only thing stopping you is intentionality, commitment and consistency.

Thanks for reading.