82. Restriction is freedom

The catalyst to thinking differently.

Do you ever wonder why self-help books are the most popular non-fiction books?

Because people want an easy antidote.

Just sit down and indulge in a few minutes of motivational spiel and you’ve done your hard work for the day.

The problem?

It is broad, unfocussed indulgence.

You get used to mentally believing you have done something rather than actually achieving something.

“Ideas without action are useless”- Helen Keller

When you view yourself as a consumer sheer volume of stimulation is the priority.

You don’t discern, you don’t restrict.

The result is a watered-down version of everything.

You are lost in the masses.

Harder tasks seem impossible as they are specialised, they are focused, they are restricted- you are not used to that.

Naturally, you receive these borders to how to function in day to day life- but to truly progress, artificial, optional rules must be put in place.

"The enemy of art is an absence of limitations"- Orson Welles

Realistically this plays out in choosing an area of focus and delving deep.

You can get stuck overthinking what the limitation or area of focus should be but that is missing the whole point.

Like a muscle, you are training your focus, but this needs to be built up over time.

Limiting the distractions long enough so looking around at the alternatives, which will inevitably assume more appeal on some days, you don’t stray.

This isn’t something to cause downfall but rather to enable progression.

You are discovering who you are, so when out of the restriction you can pivot to the next thing. This is why there is little to no pressure on the actual area limitation, rather, the necessity to just have some sort of restriction.

“The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe” – Gustave Flaubert

The fiction writer Donald Ray Pollock had the phrase ‘just sit in the chair’. He made a restriction that no matter what he would sit. This wasn’t to write a thousand words, complete a page, or even read. It was moving the muscles and embracing the resistance of the process.

From areas of limitation, you push beyond the uncomfortable to create the great.

Repetition out of choice makes the hardship you don’t pick less tough.

Make boundaries for yourself, take action, and turn up each day- you won’t regret it.

81. Be quick to listen,

slow to speak and slow to become angry - James 1:19

On the weekend there was the Oscars- a world-renowned event, a special occasion, a slapping competition.

The news was having a field day on Will Smith hitting Chris Rock, and who can blame them?

When do you get to see two celebrities hash it out live on TV?

Despite the idiocy of the whole sequence, there is a massive lesson to be learned- being hasty in your actions can often backfire.

Be hyper-vigilant of what is in your control and the perceptions your actions will take.

As Elizabeth Kenny says, ‘He who angers you controls you’- Don’t give people that power.

This doesn’t mean you do nothing, rather, you can be calm and considered in our approach when it comes to the actions we take.

As well as not turn out to be a meme for all of the social media.

Be quick to listen and slow to anger.

80. Less is more

‘When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control’- Robert Greene

I have always been quite a talkative guy, leading in the conversation, and unafraid to bring in some quite controversial conversations up.

But in recent years I have come to understand that isn’t always the best approach.

In certain situations, I was finding that the more I talked, the more I had the opportunity to say something foolish.

I felt the need to fill the space, break the ice, dispel the silence.

This can more often than not be insecurity in myself- can you relate?

“Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener.“ - Leonardo da Vinci

Humans are machines of interpretation and explanation, needing to know what each other are thinking.

The beauty in holding back in saying something means that when I do say something it can be well thought out.

Additionally, becoming somewhat mysterious and not spilling all knowledge of myself allows for intrigue in conversation.

People don’t know what I will say next.

The artist Andy Warhol often spoke of how it was impossible to get people to do what you wanted by talking to them.

Sometimes people turn against you out of simple perversity.

His response was to say something very vague and ambiguous in interviews rather than talking about his work.

The result was often the words spoken were interpreted as something particularly profound- yet, in Warhol’s eyes, they were completely random.

“I learned you actually have more power when you shut up”- Andy Warhol

So what is the response?

Do we never delve into an extended conversation? Never lead in talks? Never provide jokes?

No- quite the opposite.

From my experience, too much silence can be suspicious as well.

Insecurity can equally be felt with too much of both silence and talking.

The antidote is purposeful articulation.

Being a jester is often needed to break the ice, a hard-hitting question to stir up interaction, a detailed response to show engagement.

But being the initiator isn’t always the way.

“Never start moving your own lips and teeth before the subordinates do. The longer I keep quiet, the sooner others move their lips and teeth. As they move their lips and teeth, I can thereby understand their real intentions. If the sovereign is not mysterious, the ministers will find opportunity to take and take” - Han-fei-tzu

Being able to hold yourself, being able to articulate in different situations, and being able to restrain when needed allow for you to be perceived as a brilliant listener. People won’t be threatened but can bring forward their ideas and you can truly understand and engage in the best way with them.

Be in control, less is more.